I don't use the Dentist, I have seen the Marathon Man

Now I don't hate the dentist, it's just that I no longer go. Is there a reason for this??? Nope not really. I guess I'm just a bit lazy and sometimes, a little tight. I'm not scared of them, I have all my teeth and no fillings in fact I've only ever needed a brace, and that was because I have a small jaw and chewed like a Donkey. Well, phew, I never followed the lifestyle that required a big jaw and only have a couple of things in common with a donkey.

When did it change? By that I mean when I was younger, going to the dentist was easy. And more importantly, free. It seems now that not only is the dentist expensive, it's also bloody hard to stay on their books. And it seems if they can keep you a way for more than 6 months they can throw away your records. Cheers! Do other areas of the NHS do this?? Well yeah, they do, but I mean Intentionally do this.

So is it just because I'm tight then. Nope. Lazy? Nope. Although I am. It's two reasons. The first is that it is so bloody difficult to find one now days. Where is the NHS dentist? If, going to the Dentist is so important and so useful - They can spot many ailments before they take hold you know. That's Prognosis not Diagnosis, I remember my History of Medicine GCSE - Why are they're none of them. It's because of the NHS salary isn't it. Er!! hang on, didn't the average NHS salary go through the £100k roof sometime ago?? And this is a profession high on the Stress list. Screw off, I can see them now laughing their heads off at their orgies of wealth and success. Prancing about in their green tops and latex gloves, Up, down, back, front, gargle, spit., say Aaaahhh Like some kind of hygiene frenzy dominatrix party. Wow I've got to get that image out of my head...or onto film.

I could go Private, I have considered it. But like I said there is nothing wrong with my teeth, touch wood, they used to make false teeth from wood in the old days didn't they. Weird. Although they used worse things for contraception , and I don't mean an empty packet of salt and vinegar crisps. Ouch for all concerned, don't cut corners (although that might help). Funny the things you hear and never forget, you just learn the term 'Urban Legend'.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't because in the current capitalist climate I think of a dentist like a Car Mechanic. You don't know what they are telling you, but you believe them and pay them anyway. It's not all of them but it is some of them and I did read at least one story about a woman that had thousands of pounds worth of unrequited treatment. Apparently it's cheaper in Poland and while you're there you can a least pick up some Zywiec and Zubrowka for a lot less. The assistants aren't as nice though.

Well you knew where I was going with this.