Screw Off, I'm Joking Man!

It's real Jim, but not as we know it.

2009-09-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

A street dance version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

The classic story of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is injected with a large dose of hip hop energy by Bounce. This exciting company is known for creating high energy, imaginative street-dance theatre, enjoying hit runs at both the Peacock Theatre and the Roundhouse.

In the confines of a psychiatric hospital, breakdance becomes a way of expressing freedom and rebelling against the iron rule of Nurse Ratched – who happens to be a ballet fan...

The above is not a joke, It's not even funny. Are they trying to get the Theatre shut down. Springtime for Hitler and Germany anybody?????? Some just don't get Irony do they.

The worlds crappiest jobs..part one (incase)

2009-02-01T17:40:00.001-08:00

Watch This!!!!!!

Now is that a crappy job or what. I think it is. I mean, it looks quite good on first glance, you get a nice uniform and some shiny white gloves. But ultimately you are squashing people onto a train.

I was sent this video by a friend of mine who thinks it is the most horrifying thing he has ever seen. I don't think he gets out much. Even better was another mate stating that even though that is an horrendous thing that they have to do, everyone still shows an incredible amount of dignity. The most dignified country in the world? Amazing really considering they get that every morning on the way to work.

It kind of puts the amount of moaning and complaining that goes on in this country into perspective. Or rather it shows what a country of moaning old bastards we are. We always have been I think, but now we don't seem to have any respect and certainly no dignity to go with it.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say but I got this video when I saw the evil post report on train over crowding on the Weston to Bristol Line. Hardly. And hardly new news. Caught the train into Bristol everyday for five years in the 90's. Well OK not every day as that would be stupid, but enough days. Most of the time I was stood in what I liked to call the 'Cattle Cart'. And not in a full of club sluts way either. I dunno, why is this country full of such horrible bastards, bring back the colonial years....next time.

I believe in angels, Something good in everything I see..

2009-01-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

Am I the only person who really does not give a shit about the fact that Barack Obama is now President Of the USA (Great band btw). Hello...I'm a what?? Well quite clearly I am, cause apparently if you don't think he's the best thing since sliced then you're obviously a racist. What a load of tosh. He is just man. And as far as I'm aware he is for one of the two parties in the States that always gets in. Same general backroom staff then.

It really is starting to piss me off the way the British think that he is like the second coming. What are his politics then. Oh that's right, none of you know or care. You are the X-factor sheep people that buy that new tune regardless. Wake up and smell what you are shoveling.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not against him, and my supporting of the oven chip mogul was merely me playing Devils Advocate. Hell I just though it would be funny if he got in, died in office and then Palin took over. How mental would that have been. Gotta love those business suits and specs. He didn't have much of a challenger did he. Our American friends haven't done something ultimately profound here, it's just luck. Christ, they voted in a deranged cowboy twice, who knows maybe Brokeback Mountain guilted them into that one as well.

But listening to some people in the UK just makes me sick. Have we not got a left sided leader in at the moment? Well he's doing a super job isn't he and we all love him. "That Obama he's so amazing, oh, and the way he talks, you know he'll do it", He's a fucking politician you tossers, he's trained in mind fuck from an early age. But mind you this man has awesome charisma at the moment, I honestly believe that he could shit in a babies mouth and no one would bat an eyelid. hell, they'd be blinded by the sun shining out of his ass.

I heard a great quote in the Evil post today. 'America will never be the same again, Africa will never be the same again'. Well I don't know about America, But AFRICA!!!! Fuck me there's a good model for politics. Lets check out Somalia and Zimbabwe first shall we. Bit unsure what country to head for when everyone starts killing each other though. Any Suggestions?

The fact is , this whole US election IS a race issue. That is what pisses me off. They say it isn't but it is. Nobody I have spoken to will voice a bad opinion of Obama unless they are outright right wing racist scum already, (I don't actually know any full on racists to confirm this but I'm pretty sure they be mildly pissed at the least) for fear of being see as prejudice. Sad isn't it. Modern day society I'm afraid. When Paul Ince captained England, apparently the media had to tell me he was the first black man to captain England for some reason. Shame, as I was just thinking, how the fuck has this prick got the England armband. Like wise, when Denzil Washington and Halle Berry both won leading actor Oscars at the same ceremony, I wasn't able to just think , 'well done' or 'How, that film was crap' no I had to be told they were both black and it was a first and what an achievement.

Racism exists people, I know that. It exists everywhere and it is a horrible thing. But please stop reminding people of the differences that we would simply ignore/forget/not even consider if you'd shut up for five minutes. Good luck Obama, I don't know what you aim to achieve but unfortunately you will not only be judged on your politics.

I don't use the Dentist, I have seen the Marathon Man

2009-01-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

Now I don't hate the dentist, it's just that I no longer go. Is there a reason for this??? Nope not really. I guess I'm just a bit lazy and sometimes, a little tight. I'm not scared of them, I have all my teeth and no fillings in fact I've only ever needed a brace, and that was because I have a small jaw and chewed like a Donkey. Well, phew, I never followed the lifestyle that required a big jaw and only have a couple of things in common with a donkey.

When did it change? By that I mean when I was younger, going to the dentist was easy. And more importantly, free. It seems now that not only is the dentist expensive, it's also bloody hard to stay on their books. And it seems if they can keep you a way for more than 6 months they can throw away your records. Cheers! Do other areas of the NHS do this?? Well yeah, they do, but I mean Intentionally do this.

So is it just because I'm tight then. Nope. Lazy? Nope. Although I am. It's two reasons. The first is that it is so bloody difficult to find one now days. Where is the NHS dentist? If, going to the Dentist is so important and so useful - They can spot many ailments before they take hold you know. That's Prognosis not Diagnosis, I remember my History of Medicine GCSE - Why are they're none of them. It's because of the NHS salary isn't it. Er!! hang on, didn't the average NHS salary go through the £100k roof sometime ago?? And this is a profession high on the Stress list. Screw off, I can see them now laughing their heads off at their orgies of wealth and success. Prancing about in their green tops and latex gloves, Up, down, back, front, gargle, spit., say Aaaahhh Like some kind of hygiene frenzy dominatrix party. Wow I've got to get that image out of my head...or onto film.

I could go Private, I have considered it. But like I said there is nothing wrong with my teeth, touch wood, they used to make false teeth from wood in the old days didn't they. Weird. Although they used worse things for contraception , and I don't mean an empty packet of salt and vinegar crisps. Ouch for all concerned, don't cut corners (although that might help). Funny the things you hear and never forget, you just learn the term 'Urban Legend'.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't because in the current capitalist climate I think of a dentist like a Car Mechanic. You don't know what they are telling you, but you believe them and pay them anyway. It's not all of them but it is some of them and I did read at least one story about a woman that had thousands of pounds worth of unrequited treatment. Apparently it's cheaper in Poland and while you're there you can a least pick up some Zywiec and Zubrowka for a lot less. The assistants aren't as nice though.

Well you knew where I was going with this.

Xmas gets packed away, so back come the hate filled platypuses

2009-01-06T10:47:00.000-08:00

When do we take the decorations down? Is it the twelfth day after Christmas?? It is isn't it. Yes that's it. Oh no it's the twelfth night, that's before the twelfth day right. The 6th then?

Why do people have this conversation every year. It's not like Easter is it. There are no planetary movements to calculate, you don't have to factor in a bad moon rising. It's not like you are waiting for some Indian rain dance or for Russell to put the kettle on before you can move on. IT IS THE SAME DATE EVERY BLOODY YEAR. I'll hang back on actually specifying the date though, just in case;)

Any way, after all the excesses of Xmas, food, drink, family, money,etc... Maybe this is the thing that pushes people over the edge. No, not us normal, friendly, polite people, no...those miserable bastards who are blissfully happy for 2 weeks of the year and then turn back into the miserable old NTCU's (thanks Mary Whitehouse) that they always were. I no longer work in a real customer service job, but I did for 5 years. And I will never forget those horrible little gitty faces that expect me to be all pally with them on their terms. Sod off. On reflection those years of branch banking weren't all bad. They made me see how rude and arrogant a large amount of the population are like. Don't pass it on dude!

Those people were all about on Monday though. Is there anything more depressing than getting on a bus to be faced with 23 suicidal looks. Not really, well until the driver grumbles two-thirty and then you have to stand up all the way to town trying to smile and be happy and not look weird at the same time. Apparently yesterday was one of if not the most depressing days of the year. Well it doesn't have to be people. We can make it all worthwhile and enjoy our short lives. The BBC are trying to cheer us up all week with some light relief aren't they, what's that....The dramatisation of Anne Franks' Diaries. Oh Dear. Run the hot bath for me love, and yes, I might need something a little sharper than the Gillette Power.

The 99p pint - D'you want a flake in that

2009-01-03T04:13:00.000-08:00

This isn't where I first heard the story as I understand it to be a national decision, but I was not surprised this morning when I picked up the local rag and saw the outrage headline. Oh no pints of beer down to 99p, this is the end of the world.

Let's face it, Britain does have a drinking problem and a drinking culture, but is it really the fault of Weatherspoons? I've known a few alcoholics, in fact my uncle died an alcoholic. Guess what, it wasn't the social atmosphere of a PH (ironic Abbreviation) that drove him to drink and that wasn't the place he liked do it. Funnily enough, they don't let you drink from the bottle of whiskey.

When I was kid, I liked to drink and get stupidly drunk. Beer and Ale were not really on the menu for that as ..well...they ain't that easy to drink. if you want to get wasted, you drink something that tastes like lemonade or ribena and still lets you think you're the dogs, so you can snog the girl next door, pick a fight with prick across the way and still be home in time for 'The Word' Alright...stuff'n'nonsense. But it seems that Alcopops are no longer in season for abuse.

And how come we have got such a drink problem in this country? Last time I read the Daily Mail (forgive me father) there were more Muslims in this country than anyone else. Well they're not falling out of pubs and stumbling into kebab houses....are they?

So apparently, this move by The 'spoons will lead to other pubs following suit. I hope so as they are a bit shit, but I doubt it. Most PHs in this country are owned by capitalist Breweries who have been doing their best to drive the British Pub into the ground so they can change them into flats and probably not even give the ousted Landlord the chance to buy one. Don't ever investigate this price fixing do they. Just the supermarkets. And on the subject of tosser breweries, how can this be legal. I'll leave that for another time.

'If we stop the supermarkets selling cheap booze, the problem will be solved'. I don't think so, as they still sell the basic ingredients and DIY is getting popular in the 'Credit Crunch'*TM. I can find a still. And because some irresponsible shopkeeper or parent lets kids but cheap booze, then I have to suffer as well. No way. Enough of my hard earned cash already goes to bailing out the real scum, they want my money, Taxloss. When will they understand that if they just spent some of this money on making areas of Bristol (slag heap) more hospitable, pleasant and varied so to attract a range of people, then things might just change, and people will happily have a drink and chat with the teenage rebel and bitter old pensioner, instead of snogging one and thumping the other without spilling a drop.

Until the glorious day comes I shall continue to drink my pints of Guinness. Although I may change to Greene King IPA for the next few weeks.